You receive a message which informs you that a Brother has suffered a serious accident and has been taken to hospital with four broken ribs, a pierced lung, and is now heavily sedated in the critical care unit of a local hospital. What do you do?
W Bro Darrel Palmer PAGSwdB, Metropolitan Grand Almoner writes
The routine work of an Almoner cannot prepare you for managing the challenges that arise when a Brother suffers a major accident. This case hopefully provides valuable lessons and pointers on how to engage with the victim’s family, whilst at the same time providing appropriate updates to the Brethren.
As a first step, I made contact with the Brother’s wife, with whom I was fortunately already acquainted, to offer whatever assistance we could provide. In circumstances where you have had no previous contact with the wife or family member, it might be wise to establish if there is another Brother who has a connection with him first, to act as an initial go-between or assist with making that initial contact, at what is likely to be a very stressful and emotional time.
I confirmed to our Lodge members what many of them had already heard. However, I did not communicate any of the specific details of the Brother’s condition. It is our role to act as an intermediary and not to intrude. We must respect both the privacy of the individual and his family. It is, I consider, important to emphasise to other Brothers that you are the primary contact with the family.
In this case, the Brother was in a number of Orders, which presented a communication challenge; and so a list of other Almoners was collated. They were informed that I was in contact with his wife on a daily basis and would provide whatever assistance she and the family required. I was also aware that he had a very busy Inbox and contact had been made with the family to manage this.
Do not provide a running commentary on the patient’s condition as there can be many ups and downs. This lesson was reinforced by the news that the condition of the Brother in this case had taken a turn for the worse. He had contracted Aspirational Pneumonia and was being treated with antibiotics. The agreed communication was that he was still in critical care and I was careful to offer no information on when that might change. It is not our job to speculate.
I was eventually able to communicate the good news that this Brother had been discharged from hospital. However, on speaking to him, it was very clear that full recovery would take some time and therefore we should allow a period of space for that to happen. It was clearly a challenging time for him, but we did not want to forget his wife. I arranged for a bouquet of flowers to be sent to her and a note letting her know we were thinking of her.
What did I learn from this and what pointers would I give to other Almoners in a similar situation?
1. Establish a primary contact with the family.
2. Look at ways of assisting the family – it might just be regular contact and a sympathetic ear, or indeed to leave them in peace.
3. Only communicate the patient’s condition in general terms. Never provide a running commentary. Always agree what is to be communicated with the primary contact; and respect patient and family privacy.
4. If the Brother is in a number of Orders, set up a communications group with other Almoners, both for simplicity and their ability to assist.
5. Work with the family on handling emails and letters involving Masonic issues.
6. It doesn’t end with discharge from hospital: consider what period of time is required to aid full recovery.
An important PSA about PSAs: Bill’s Story
My name is Bill Phillips and I have been asked to tell you my story to raise awareness of the dangers of the silent killer that is Prostate Cancer – and how a little blood test from the doctor can help you.
My story begins in early 2008. I was in Chicago officiating at a Boxing World Championships; which was a qualifier for the Beijing Olympics. I was the first Englishman to be selected for 24 years as a Boxing Referee!
While I was in Chicago, I started to have symptoms of getting up more frequently in the night, lower back pain and erectile dysfunction. I thought this was just the stress of being at the World Championships and the constant scrutiny required to make sure that I qualified as a boxing referee. I told myself that once the games were over, I would be back to my usual fit self. I now know that these are not just indicators of stress but can also be early symptoms of prostate cancer.
It never occurred to me that I would succumb to this insidious disease. After all, I had been extremely fit all of my life – I boxed to a good standard. I played top class football – and surely this disease only happened to other men who didn’t take care of themselves? How wrong I was!
Eventually, I was convinced to go and see my doctor, who sent me for a blood test. 24 hours later, he called me and asked if I could come to the Surgery as a matter of urgency. He sat me down and said that I had a PSA of 225. Like most of us, I asked: “What is PSA?” He explained to me that it stands for ‘Prostate-Specific Antigen”, and more importantly that the reading should ideally not be above 3. It was an indication that something was not quite right and he wanted me to go for further tests. I then had an MRI scan and a biopsy procedure to take samples of the cells in my prostate. The results from this biopsy were not good at all: of the 10 samples taken, every one had cancerous cells.
Talking to the specialist in my local hospital, I was given between 2 and 3 years to live. To say that I was devastated was an understatement; and I thought to myself what an idiot I had been to put off going to the doctor.
All my life, I had been a fighter and I was not about to roll over now. I decided to get a second opinion from a Professor at the London Bridge Hospital; who broke the news to me that I had Stage 4 cancer. He asked whether I would like to be treated at Guys by him and his team. I accepted – after all, what did I have to lose?
I was put on a course of drugs and a 3 monthly injection. Within a year, my PSA lowered to single figures. I had to endure over 35 sessions of radiotherapy, which was physically exceptionally tiring; but I got through it.
When I went for multiple follow-up PSA blood tests they were a healthy 0.5; and it stayed like that for 3 years. Unfortunately, it has started creeping up again and I am now once again on drugs to suppress this terrible disease.
So I have turned my cancer mindset from a negative to a positive. I read everything regarding prostate cancer and any new treatments. When invited, I give talks and advise all men over 40 years of age to get regularly tested. Do not do what I did and bury your head in the sand.
My cancer will not go away now, as it has developed beyond my prostate – I could not have it removed when I was diagnosed in September 2009. Back then, I had one grandchild. I now have 8 grandchildren and life is good!
My name is Bill Phillips, I have been a Mason for 34 years. I have the privilege of being a MAGI in Huw Pritchard’s Inspectorate, where I have responsibility for training and mentoring new Visiting Officers. It is still a joy to me.
Brethren, I am at the end of the phone or you can email me any time through Almoners. I have spoken to hundreds of men – not only Masons – about prostate cancer; and I give them all the same advice: GET TESTED!
This article is part of the Arena Magazine, Issue 55 Summer 2024 edition.
Arena Magazine is the official magazine of the London Freemasons - Metropolitan Grand Lodge and Metropolitan Grand Chapter of London.
Read more articles in the Arena Issue 55 here.